UNWRITTEN RULES ARE SO DUMB
“I mean, look, I think the one thing he’s got to make sure of is he doesn’t get hit by a pitcher after standing there watching that home run for ten minutes that he hit yesterday. I think some A’s players took exception.”
-Cubs Insider for Marquee Bruce Levine, referencing Munetaka Murakami on the Mully & Haugh Show, April 20, 2026
When Mully and Haugh, the morning hosts on 670 The Score, asked Bruce Levine a lighthearted question about how many home runs Munetaka Murakami might hit this season, it is unlikely that many listeners objected to his tongue-in-cheek response.
But as I listened, I was so annoyed by it that I booed.
Like, audibly booed.
Right there in the car, mid-commute, my daughter in the backseat, bearing witness to my outburst.
Ever since, I’ve been thinking about the unwritten rules of baseball. You know, the ones about ‘decorum’ and ‘etiquette’ that have little or nothing to do with actual gameplay.
Some unwritten rules are harmless enough, like not talking to a pitcher during a no-hitter (which can actually be charming). Others, though, directly impact the game, like when a team is basically expected to stop trying if their team has a large lead: don’t steal any bases, don’t try to manufacture any additional runs, and definitely don’t swing away on a 3-0 count. (Just ask Yermín Mercedes about that last one.)
Honestly, I could go on about how these self-policing rules only serve as evidence that some men will literally charge the mound rather than ever consider therapy. But if I start tugging on that thread, we’ll end up in a whole conversation about toxic masculinity in sports, and I’m not sure either of us has the energy for that today. Let’s stick to baseball for now.
Of all the unwritten rules, the one that bothers me the most - and what Levine’s comment epitomizes - is the idea that purposefully hitting a batter with a pitch is viewed as an acceptable (if not encouraged) form of retaliation. It doesn’t matter how real or perceived the other team’s transgression is. In this case, it was implied that Murakami would deserve to get plunked because he stood at the plate watching his homerun leave the yard rather than, I don’t know, full sprinting the bases like he’s Willie Mays Hayes. (But like, OG Willie Mays Hayes. Wesley Snipes Willie Mays Hayes. Before he went all Hollywood.)
So yeah, according to baseball’s book of secret, made-up rules, if you feel disrespected by a player’s actions, it’s totally fine for you to put a fastball in his thigh the next time he steps up to the plate.
Which is just so damn stupid.
And deeply problematic.
Explain to me, please, how exactly handing the other team a free base helps your team? What if they come around to score? What then? Congratulations, you’ve now embarrassed yourself twice in the span of just one half-inning. Wouldn’t it be far more satisfying to simply strike them out and flex your so-called dominance?
Why are you out here finger-wagging other players, anyway? What are you, a cop?
(By the way, we already have baseball cops. They’re called umpires.)
At the end of the day, someone has to win, and someone has to lose. As my father used to tell me, “If you don’t like losing, get better.” You don’t like that Murakami watched his home run? Then maybe you shouldn’t have thrown him that pitch. Are you upset that the opposing team made you look bad by running up the score? Cry more. This isn’t Little League, and these players aren’t children. They are professionals getting paid a ridiculous amount of money because they’re the best in the world at their sport. I think the best players in the world should be able to prove their point by simply winning, rather than using on-field aggression as an equalizer against a player who just straight-up bested them.
In the end, that kind of behavior is just gross. And it certainly doesn’t win games.
There’s a reason these rules are unwritten: because they’re dumb, and writing them down would be even dumber.
Let’s stop pretending they’re anything but ridiculous.